Today was definitely a Monday Monday.... I woke up and my car wouldn't start. I got into work over an hour late. Missed an interview, got the cold shoulder from my co workers. Then had to leave work early because I was so sick from coming off this medicine. I am still really ticked that no one told me about these side effects.. and that is the reason I am being so public about what I am going through.
My mom came and picked me up and took me to my "family doctor" who was really concerned about my theory of "toughing it out" on coming off this medication. He gently and compassionately went through my options, and gave me a way to get myself out of this pit. I am hopeful on moving forward. Tomorrow is a new day.
Which brings me to my next thought. Movement. There has been a LOT of movement and change in my life recently, and only more to come. In the past 2 years I have recommited my life to the Lord. My life has changed in so many ways since I came back on my knees to call Jesus my Lord and Savior. Lots of changes.
I have made new friends. I have developed new characteristics. Learned my strengths.... worked through my weaknesses. This weekend on my trip to Wilmington to celebrate one of my college girlfriends bachelorette weekend... i realized just how much i have changed. I was confronted by someone i love and told that She has no idea who I am anymore. She said "who are you Lauren?" That question has since been ringing in my head over and over. Stinging my heart.
But after a lot of prayer it doesnt sting anymore. I am proud of who I am and who I am still becoming.
My answer: I am a lover of all people, I see the best in them, and I want the best for them. Next to my love for my God, is the love of my family. All I do is founded by my faith in Jesus Christ. That doesnt mean I am perfect and "holier than thou" It means I embrace my mistakes and walks through the pits, I know the pain of being "sifted" and I embrace the GRACE that covers me. I am getting ready to be a wife. A role I am VERY excited about. I love Matt. I am so thankful... there aren't enough words. I am about to be in ministry with an amazing church and some amazing kids... and I get to experience this with my future husband. I can't put into words how blessed I feel.
Obviously I am not simple. I cant answer who I am or what i love in one word or even one sentence. I am still growing. And excited about the changes God is moving through me, my relationships and my ministry. while there may be more days like today in my future, I have hope and faith that all that is done for me is for the good for me, because God promises this to me and you. So when I hear in my head "Who are you Lauren?" I can stand strong... in that I am not a one dimensional person... but I will always have the same heart... and well isnt that what matters the most?
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2 comments:
After I had Wes I went through a bout of post pardum depression. Although I don't know why they call it "depression" because I didn't feel depressed. I felt lonely (even though 10,000 people came to see me every day), I would cry at the drop of a hat about ANYTHING. I think it had a lot to do with hormones - but bottom line, I wasn't myself. My doctor put me on an antidepresssant (lexapro) and it REALLY helped during that time. I decided to go off one day, having no idea what would happen if I quit "cold turkey". It was SCARY and TERRIBLE. I felt like I was going blind and losing my mind. I couldn't see strait and I couldn't think strait. I'm sot sure if your medication is anything like mine, but if it is, it's better to get a pill cutter and go down slowly but surely!
Last night the doctor replaced my old medicine with a new medicine that has NO side effects coming off of.... this way i can take it for a short time until things level out.
They should tell us these things before they shove a prescription at you. Its crazy!
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